Big Foot

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BIG FOOT (act one)


were lookin at a beautiful mountian top view of CLIFF COUNTY, a simple community with a population of about two hundred, a very small town among the huge colorado mountians. campin, hikin, bikin, raftin' are just a few of the things to do.
NARR; It was believed way back, before runnin' water in fact, some weird old guy came up with this 'tail', the tale involved this big creature, living in the mountians living off the earth. but yet he walked around like a man. a walking hairy man. was this tale true?- a nine foot eight-hundread pound creature. roaming our back country, nobody ever believed the old man and he later died. no kids, no family, so the tail sorta-died with him. many many years later cliff county has grown to be a, A Tourist Caiptal for Campers. and on one frightful evening,, the tail of the old man came Alive,,,,which is going to bring us to the tail of Big Foot.
BUFFY; is it safe to go outside?
a t.v set is turned on and a news flash appears on the screen. the anchor man sits at his desk with a drawing of a big foot creature on the screen behind him.
NEWS MAN: This Just In!-from the cliff county sherriff dept! tryon effons out filming his friends in some downhill mountian biking! caught some footage of what we are now calling BIG FOOT. as Big Foot ran up to mr. effons while he was waiting for the bicyclist to come over the ridge at any moment, and as they did- chasing off Big Foot into the back country of our village.
the screen now shows tryon effons
TRYON: I was just standing there quietly and I heard-(getting restless) something kinda runnin' at me. I turned to look through the camera and...
screen now shows the Big Foot creature runnin' towards the camera!(tryons footage is now seen on the screen, news man explains:)
NEWS MAN: (interupting tryon)-as you can see here Big Foot running up to them as they put it. now you can see the bicyclist approach at tremondus speed. then! Big Foot stoped pursut! and vanished into the woods. Anyone spoting Big Foot is to notify the cliff county sherriff dept. you will be assigned a password and will be kept strictly confidential. and the sherriff advises, DO NOT attempt in any tracking or hunting of this creature, I REPETE! do not attempt in any tracking or hunting of this creature
SHERRIFF DADDLE: (yelling) LEAVE THAT UP TO US!!!
BUFFY: is it safe to go outside?
NARR: so there you have it! our little mountian town has sprouted a hairy man walking in the woods
TRYON: this is where it gets ugly....
NARR: mean while on the west coast, right on the ocean, buffy and jj wilt have tea. first thing in the morning.
with a view of the goldengate bridge, this condo is nice.however the couple who lives there. jj a busy business man. and buffy is a deprived boored housewife.well there about to find themselfs dab in the middle of this story.
BUFFY: is it safe to go outside? (pause) (to jj) how would you like to spend some time together? really together!?!
J.J: auw,,,,,,maaan,,,YA sure dear
BUFFY: come on snap out of it (pounds her fist on the table)-will you!
J.J: camp?
BUFFY: yes-I want to go camping!
J.J: what,,aw,
BUFFY:yes camping, time together.
J.J:,, camping,,, now why,,?
BUFFY: I want to go camping in colorado,
J.J: well you know I do have some vacation time built up. it would be nice to get out of the city for a change.
BUFFY: good! its a done deal, i;ll make all the arrangements.
NARR: o.k folks whats goin on here is,,one day while on the internet buffy came across some info bout the delema in cliff county, her blood pressure rose, the thought of campin arose. buffy has had a craving for something, something she has never had before....but always wanted.
BUFFY: is it safe to go outside?
the scene changes back to cliff county where its getting ready to rain, thunder breaks the sky. sally fondles had gone to the store. and its getting late so paul fondles sits at home, worried
PAUL(singing): she went to the store
to get some maxi pad
some maxi pad
some maxi pad
she was on her period
BIG FOOT: grunts!
PAUL (continues..):
she never came home
big foot:yells!~
paul:she never came home
she never came home
she diden't come home
BIG FOOT: grunts (loud)!
NARR: meanwhile back in cliff county. sally fondles had gone to the store, and now paul, sally fondles husband, wants to know where she is.
restless and scared, the town people are all heard screaming for some answers,
Random Voices (town people): kill big foot! lets go find that creature! string that monkey up and bring him to me! get him! get Big Foot!! kill that mutha f#ucker, what are we going to do?!!?!!?
NARR: so now not only do the town people have viedo of Big Foot, but ther problems have just begun. the town people don't even know how to act. its time people! to go on the Hunt and become the Hunter, instead of being the Hunted.
mayor collins and sherriff daddle call a town meeting in the center of town, the people all gather with weapons in hand (pitch forks, torches, ball bats,,etc,,).they are ready for some answers.
NARR: so with that in hand, Cliff County once heaven on earth- HAS A PROBLEM! all the town people gather together, for mayor collins and sherriff daddle have a important message....
the crowd is noisy still, yelling 'get that son of a b*tch' etc,,,,
MAYOR COLLINS: al'right people settle down now.(spits) lets not get so far a head of our selfs. that,(spits again) were,-so worried about this so called Big Foot. he's nothin' to us-(spits)-he's history, you'za might as well not think about it no more, just forget bout him, were gona get him. were gona catch him. cuz I hired the best dam* sherriff in the country,(spits) all around the best sherriff, Mr. Big Foot is not going to do anything to us! I think sherriff daddle would like to add a comment, sherriff daddle would you like to add a comment?
SHERRIFF DADDLE: yes, thank you very much mayor colins,
MAYOR COLLINS: thank you sherriff daddle.
SHERRIFF DADDLE: as a matter of fact I do have a comment to make. I want every resident of cliff county to understand there is no reason to be scared, nothing to fear.we will get this creature, we will string him up- and skin him! Everybody-Will-Get-a-Piece! he is going to be gone! so you all go about your normal day, business as usual.
MAYOR COLLINS: (spits)-all right people! lets not get carried away with this, lets just not let our panties get up in our crotch'es aeras there, lets go along, you know,,,(spits again),,
SHERRIFF DADDLE: (interupts)-I'm going to hire the best guys I can find...!
MAYOR COLLINS: I told ya, I hired the best sherriff around,
SHERRIFF DADDLE: thank you very much mayor collins.
MAYOR COLLINS: thank you sherriff daddle,,,,,,,,,,,, were gonna end this now!
SHERRIFF DADDLE: DONT FORGET! do not attempt in any tracking or hunting of this creature! leave that up to us!!
MAYOR COLLINS: if you have any thing your worried about,-just call the cliff county sherriff dept. sherriff daddle will take care of it right away
SHERRIFF DADDLE: thank you mayor collins,
MAYOR COLLINS: thank you! you all have a good night (spits)
NARR: so is that it? can we count on mayor collins to hire the best sherriff, and the sherriff find the best peole he can find?,,,,,,,I don't know about you people,,but I don't think this is going to work.


(act two)
sounds of birds
NARR: the smell of may flowers brings excitement to cliff county. one busy time of year, when all the campers pile into town to expierence the excitement and the beauty cliff county has to offer.
t.v set appears
NEWS MAN: this just in! from the cliff county sherriff dept. the body of sally fondles was found along the side of beaver creek. her body had been sexually assulted. which we believe was the cause of death.
the ancor man interviews the officer who performed the autopsy
NEWS MAN: dr.arnold can you give a statement at this time?
DR.ARNOLD: yes I can, she blead to death.
NEWS MAN: she blead to death..!?
DR.ARNOLD: yes, her VaJohnna was litterally ripped apart. due to that she blead to death.
NEWS MAN:there you have it folks. sherriff daddle do you have a comment?
sherriff daddle steps into the scene
SHERRIFF DADDLE: yes as a matter fact I do! Big Foot is responceable for this, we found very large ape like foot prints leaving the scene of crime. and we found thin, animal like hair under the womans fingernails. it was a horrible site!
NEWS MAN: everyone should know, no hunting of Big Foot and no going into the woods. thank you sherriff daddle.
SHERRIFF DADDLE: thank you.
NEWS MAN: mayor collins,,,,,
MAYOR COLLINS: as of 1:34 this afternoon, I declare the wood not to be safe, you'all stay out of them woods now-you hear? this will be only for a short while. we will get to the bottom of this right away,,,
NEWS MAN: what about the tourist mayor collins?
MAYOR COLLINS: (spits) let me tell you some than',mister,-were going to get that suma-bit*h if its the last thing we do! sherriff daddle?
the sun went down as usual that night. everyone is acounted for......
NARR: the following mourning, at camp aera 'C' in the lower forty, brian and jennifer, two young hippies from texas, who had been campin' in cliff county sience ski season. are totally unaware of anything out of the ordinary.
sounds of birds and a river nearby,
BRIAN: (loud splash of water) look honey I caught a big one this time...!
JEN: is it going to be enough for the both of us?
BRIAN: o ya!
JEN: great! I gatta go rince off, I'll be back in a little while ok honey?
BRIAN: it can't wait till after lunch?
JEN: no, I think I started my period.
BRIAN: well then you better go wash up then dear, don't worry about the fish I'll handle lunch this time.
JEN: oooo thanks! (a kiss)
NARR: so brian cleans up the fish and starts the fire, and prepairs for lunch. jennifers over by beaver creek, and is takin'off all her clothes gettin' ready for a wershin'.
(music gets creepy....no more bird sounds..sounds of someone walking on some leaves and sticks)
NARR: suddenly, brian smells something awful. he smells his tips, well they just smell like fish, but that smell, o that smell is getting stronger.
after a moement of silence
a strong swipe is hardly heard, as brian had just been dismembered, in a very swift and quiet manner.....
NARR: "that sweetsmell wasn't brian" Big Foot says to himself as he follows his nose towards beaver creek.
(sounds of Big Foot sniffin')
music gets even creepier
NARR: Big Foot heads right up to jennifer whom is under water at the time when she is snached up by her hair and brought to shore.
( sounds of water splashing )
JEN: screams! o my,,,more screams
BIG FOOT: loud grunts!!
JEN: o my god no,,no please don't! (cryin')
BIG FOOT: even louder grunt!
JEN: please god make him stop! make him stop! NOOOOO! MAKE HIM STOP-scream!!!
sounds of Big Foot humping, with a few lite grunts,,
JEN: (cryin') help me, brian, please someone!
BIG FOOT: real loud Grunt!!(humping louder)
humping sounds continue, jennifer struggling for her breath makes one last cry for help
JEN: f#ck youuuuuuuuuuu! ,,
NARR: slowly but surely jennifer stoped and so did Big Foot. only a few moments seemed like a lifetime. jennifers eyes close and Big FOOT heads off into the woods. jennifer lays next to the creek with only a breath left. her VaJohnna tore open so badly you could see the contents of her stomache.
NARR: later on the next day, sherriff daddle doing his rounds in the lower forty, pulls his ford F150 up to the pretty camp site next to beaver creek, to discover the remains of a horrible scene.
sacner sounds arupt, a police helicopter is now called and is heard flying above. sherriff daddle, mayor collins and dr. aronld investagate the scene.
MAYOR COLLINS: (pulles up like a mad man, with his window down,,) god dam it! ( as he gets out of his bronco, and slams the door! ) how many is that now sherriff daddle?
SHERRIFF DADDLE: well ,,a Three I think
DR.ARONLD: yes, three dead now sir.
MAYOR COLLINS: thank you dr. aronld.
DR.ARONLD: jeasus, whould ya take a look at this,,,
pointing to what is left of brians torso
DR.ARONLD: I've never seen anything like this before.
MAYOR COLLINS: where is the girl? there was another victom wasn't there ?
SHERRIFF DADDLE: over by the creek sir,, but wait,,you might not,,,
MAYOR COLLINS: (interupts) O My God! what in the name of mary are we dealing with here! (spits)
DR.ARONLD: you know sir I did notice somethin'.
MAYOR COLLINS: well spit it out boy..!
DR.ARONLD: look here (pointing down on the ground next to jennifers garments a box of maxi-pads.......
MAYOR COLLINS: (gettin short) fer gods sake boy have you any manners......!god dam (spits)
DR.ARONLD: LOOK! according to paul fondles the reason for his wife to go to the store was TO GET SOME MAXI PADS.
SHERRIFF DADDLE: what in the name of god are you talking bout'?
DR.ARONLD: the two female victoms so far,- both were dealin' with a hangin'-string, if you know what I mean..?
MAYOR COLLINS: a string hangin?,,wht-th-f*uck?
SHERRIFF DADDLE: I think he means she was on her period, sir
MAYOR COLLINS: awwww,,,thank you sherriff daddle. and finnish up what it was goin on round here,,dr. aronld,,
DR ARONLD: Big Foots in heat sir, he wants to mate, and he wants human women. maybe because there is no other of his kind, he is hitting his target,,(sherriff interupts)
SHERRIFF DADDLE: (scared) gimminy greepers-I'm gonna get that sum-a-bit@h!!!
MAYOR COLLINS: simmer down now. lets get a hold of our selfs here. (spits) shrreiff daddle have you hired them guys yet?
SHERRIFF DADDLE: guy sir, yes I did mayor collins, he aught'a be here sometime this afternoon!
DR. ARONLD: who is this guy sherriff daddle?
SHERRIFF DADDLE: just the guy we need! a long time buddy of mine, (smilin') he did some real long tours in nam, he just diden't want to come home. he just stayed out in the jungle just killin nips one at a time, enjoyin' each and every moment. he said he would love to go into the wood and hunt Big Foot, handle our problem...
MAYOR COLLINS: hows he going to do it?
SHERRIFF DADDLE: he's gonna Shoot him!
MAYOR COLLINS: well then shoot the sum-b(tch (spits)yelling:) dr.aronld clean up this god dam mess!
DR.ARONLD: yes sir right away sir...
MAYOR COLLINS: thank you dr. aronld.

(act three)
this scene takes place on high way 25 3000' above sea level, a fancy SUV can be seen driving up lauries canyon road, jj wilt and buffy wilt are entering cliff county and prepairing to camp.
BUFFY: this is just beautiful! is it honey..?
JJ WILT: ya ya ya I suppose if you say so dear..
BUFFY: would you come on (with a real thick east coast accent)
JJ WILT: look were here all for you. not me so don't expect me to jump up and down and squirt all over my self because I'D rather say in a nice hotel in aspen, NOT LAY IN THE WOODS! thank you
BUFFY: lissen to you, man of the hour you finally decide to speak and all I get is that...?! we've gotten away from the city isnt that enough to lighten you up?
JJ WILT: hey as I said i'd rather..(buffy interupts-LOUDLY)
BUFFY: WE ARE GOING CAMPING what about this don't you understand?
NARR: they pass a sign on the side of the road, but are unable to read it because they were going to fast
JJ WILT: theres another one of thoes signs, we just passed one a second ago,
BUFFY: what did it say?
JJ WILT: I don't know, lets take a look
NARR: jj pulls the SUV over and parks in frount of one of the signs
BUFFY: o honey I'm sooo excited, I havent gone camping sience I was a kid...
NARR: jj starts reading the sign out loud
JJ WILT: attn:No Camping! beond this point until further notice -sherriff daddle and mayor collins.
BUFFY: what no way in hell are we not going to go camping. we suffacated our selfs in the city for a long time and to be this close (sobbing) look at all these beautiful mountians. how can they say No Caming! its spring time..
JJ WILT: why don't I turn around and look for that hotel in aspen dear,,(buffy interupts very loudly)
BUFFY: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING! you can drop me off here and YOU go to your little hotel in aspen with out me. I'm going camping!
JJ WILT: ok dear you win we'll go camping, the signs must be some 'private property' issue or something
BUFFY: I want to go deep into the woods so nobody can find us ok dear, we could walk around naked
JJ WILT:(sounds of being shy) O oo! honey
BUFFY: I want to go camping up there!
NARR: that girl points her finger right at Phisters Phaze the highest point in cliff county-DEFENTLY FORBIDDEN CAMPING!
JJ WILT: ok dear get in
the sounds of two car doors open and then shut and then the suv driving off up the mountian pass
meanwhile back in cliff county, out in frount of the sherriff's office
NARR: while everyone's gettin it together good ole viet nam buddy "BUDDY" pulls up
sounds of a truck pulling up
as he pulls up -door opens and he speaks,,,
BUDDY: wheres this monkey! (very promptly)
DR ARONLD: its actually not a monkey,,,,(sherriff pushes dr. aronld out of the way,,)
SHERRIFF DADDLE: why hello buddy, good to see you, thanks for showin up with such a short notice,
BUDDY: (sounds of a duffel bag zipper and guns pilin up) I am soo ready to go ape killin, maybe I'll make a rug out of him(mayor collins butts in,
MAYOR COLLINS: hello there mister I'm the mayor, mayor collins, I've got ya the bestes of rooms in town, right above the talk, our waterin hole, soon as you go get this g#dd*mm monkey -meet me at the talk I'm buyin
DR ARONLD: why sir you never buy drinks...
BUDDY: you guys all go on ahead and drink at your bar, I'm Goin Huntin! then I'm Goin HOME!
DR ARONLD: you know sir, a, ah BUDDY, we kinda like to capture this creature a,a,(wisstle)alLive
BUDDY: sorry about your luck, but the only thing I Bring In Alive Is My Fish! daddle who in the hell is this guy?
DR ARONLD: a,, a ah o!
SHERRIFF DADDLE: dr aronld get your a## out of here right the f#ck NOW!
DR ARONLD: we would like to do some testing on big foot, it's not like every day you come across a creature of sort,,,
BUDDY: well you can test my catch before I make a rug out of his a##! SHERRIFF DADDLE: what in the hell are you talkin bout boy. we need this creature killed and you want to CLONE IT! I must be loosin my mind here I just can;t,,figure
MAYOR COLLINS: look here mister, Big Foot aint gonna do nothin to anymore people you hear, and dr.aronld you just for get about any clonin goin on round here alright now.
BUDDY: you all are a bunch of hicks-Ha! which way shall i start daddle?
SHERRIFF DADDLE: he was last, or should I say the last crime scene was beaver creek, thats north west right up there..(he points up towards the top of a big mountian) BUDDY: thank you daddle
SHERRIFF DADDLE: alright thank you
MAYOR COLLINS: thank you
DR.ARONLD: will you all stop thanking each other, you know we need to learn about this animal, what if there is more....
BUDDY: daddle get this sumbitch out of here will ya,,,?
DADDLE AND COLLINS (AT SAME TIME): DR ARONLD GET YOUR FUCKIN ASS OUT OF HERE NOW!
DR.ARONLD: a ya why yes sirs,,,mayor,,sherriff right away
SHERRIFF DADDLE: hows bout that sally fondles case
DR.ARONLD: that case is shut, finnished, the cause of death HEAVYpenetration weird dna, what else
MAYOR COLLINS: (yelling)DR.ARONLD I said to get the f#ck out of here now, and let buddy do what he has got to do,,(still yellin') BUDDY GO GET THAT SUMABIT@H NOW!!!
weather wise perfect, you can hear a running stream and bugs and birds the sun is up full and brite,,cliff county really is heaven on earth..
(the song 'Big Foot gonna get that as$' starts) BUFFY: this camp site is perfect dear
JJ.WILT:yes dear this really isnt that bad after all the fire is warm, the tent is nice
BUFFY: I told you so, relax, lest go to sleep and get up early and watch the sun rise.
JJ.WILT: now that sounds like a plan.
NARR: buffys so excited she could hardly do nothin'

I'll finnish typing the rest out soon....
after audio disc is complete, a clay animated and or cartoon will follow.......

the cast:

Big Foot,narr,tryon,news man,sherriff daddle-DAVE
Buffy-KELLY
J.J.-NICK
Paul-NORM
Mayor Collins-DAMON
town people-DAVE,SEAN,NORM & DAMON
Buddy-KEVIN
Brian & Jennifer-SEAN & SHARRON